Such a long time for nothing.
This is how sadness looks like. After developing my last roll back in October, the roll I started using would have been one of those extremely rewarding but super slowly
accumulating set of frames. Since I have taken up analog photography, I came to the realization that I have Enthusiastic and Lazy periods. During the former, one roll (36 frames) finishes under a month, while during the latter it takes several months to get a roll done. I love both periods, but today’s post is about the Lazy period.
The Lazy period is a time of scarcity. It is a time when the camera stays weeks on the shelf before I take it out for a walk to shoot one picture (or none). The obvious disadvantage is that it seems to be taking forever to get my hands on the developed pictures. But the pro is that eventually I have an absolutely unique set of images, unrelated in subject, location, and -usually- inspirational source. When it takes 4-5 months to get a roll done, as it first happened in 2013, the first pictures will show images of Istanbul and Trabzon, then the middle will include Eger and Fonyód, and Budapest wraps the whole thing up. Trips, alone or with friends, family, short strolls in various towns. Strange subjects that I completely forget about only until I first glance over the developed pictures and suddenly the exact thoughts and emotions that captivated me would rush me once again.
It is a hauntigly beautiful thing. The Lazy period shows the true value in analog photography.
Except when your camera refuses to wind back the film properly, and rips the two ends of the strip into shreds. As I opened the back of the camera, a bitter ‘come on’ and a sophisticated Hungarian curse-compilation left my mouth.
A pre-wedding ceremony of a good friend- gone. Some portrait photos of several friends from campus, different lights, places- gone. The picture taken of oaks in the middle of a street in Bahcelievler while infuriating drivers are yelling behind me- gone. All these images, and who knows what else- all gone.
Pretty sad. Or, as one my student would comment in an ironical tone each time I announce a quiz or the homework: üzücü.
I must agree. Çok üzücü işte.